Machined Too Long
A girl came into the ER one day with a very swollen inflamed and sore vagina. Apparently she bought one of these electric penis sex machines and she just couldn’t get enough.
This device is the kind you sit on it.
The Old Janitor.
December 31, 2008
December 29, 2008
The Continuing Chronicles of a Hospital Janitor:
Stuck Butt Plug
I was a janitor at a major city hospital.
These are my stories....
About year ago, this hillbilly’s wife was cheating on him. So he bought the largest Anal Butt Plug he could find. He covered it with baby oil except the very end, which he put on some fast drying glue. He then proceeded to have vaginal sex with her for the last time while the butt plug was in her shit hole. He left her on the bed; she couldn’t get the butt plug out. He told here what he did, and left for Georgia. She called the paramedics, the rest of story is just that but the hospital staff had a damn good laugh.
The Old Janitor.
I was a janitor at a major city hospital.
These are my stories....
About year ago, this hillbilly’s wife was cheating on him. So he bought the largest Anal Butt Plug he could find. He covered it with baby oil except the very end, which he put on some fast drying glue. He then proceeded to have vaginal sex with her for the last time while the butt plug was in her shit hole. He left her on the bed; she couldn’t get the butt plug out. He told here what he did, and left for Georgia. She called the paramedics, the rest of story is just that but the hospital staff had a damn good laugh.
The Old Janitor.
December 28, 2008
More Diaries of the Hospital Janitor:
Viagra had just come out.
This guy gets some Viagra, but doesn't pay attention to the directions.
He thinks it's pop a pill and instantly get a hard on.
So he takes the pill, waits about 2 minutes, nothing.
So he pops another one.
Waits another few minutes, then pops another blue pill.
Finally they kick in, now he got a super hard on.
He is banging his wife like there's no tomorrow.
She can't take it.
But the guy still has a stiffy.
So he wants a blowjob, she obliges.
But he's still erect, and she wont go another round.
So he goes into the bathroom, locks the door and starts masturbating.
After 30 minutes the wife bangs on the door and says what are you doing, you've been in there for over half and hour.
Now the guy is getting worried, his penis is hurting from being rob and used to much.
So he says, hey read those Viagra directions.
Now he knows he needs medical attention.
Gets dressed with his still hard wiener and goes to the ER.
Everyone was laughing their asses off.
People, people, people read the damn directions.
This guy gets some Viagra, but doesn't pay attention to the directions.
He thinks it's pop a pill and instantly get a hard on.
So he takes the pill, waits about 2 minutes, nothing.
So he pops another one.
Waits another few minutes, then pops another blue pill.
Finally they kick in, now he got a super hard on.
He is banging his wife like there's no tomorrow.
She can't take it.
But the guy still has a stiffy.
So he wants a blowjob, she obliges.
But he's still erect, and she wont go another round.
So he goes into the bathroom, locks the door and starts masturbating.
After 30 minutes the wife bangs on the door and says what are you doing, you've been in there for over half and hour.
Now the guy is getting worried, his penis is hurting from being rob and used to much.
So he says, hey read those Viagra directions.
Now he knows he needs medical attention.
Gets dressed with his still hard wiener and goes to the ER.
Everyone was laughing their asses off.
People, people, people read the damn directions.
December 26, 2008
Diaries of the Hospital Janitor
Stapled
This guy was admitted to the emergency room last year with several staples in his penis. His wife found out he was sleeping with her sister. Ouch!
So she waited for him to fall asleep, and got two staples in his penis before he jumped up and started running around the room screaming.
Bet that hurt like hell.
The Old Janitor.
This guy was admitted to the emergency room last year with several staples in his penis. His wife found out he was sleeping with her sister. Ouch!
So she waited for him to fall asleep, and got two staples in his penis before he jumped up and started running around the room screaming.
Bet that hurt like hell.
The Old Janitor.
December 23, 2008
The Chronicles of a Hospital Janitor:
Hunters Accident:
Because it involves a shooting, accident or otherwise, the police are notified. So this is the story one of the other hunters told the cops as his friend was in surgery.
Several elderly gentlemen went hunting. They were all carrying 12-gauge shotguns. They needed to cross a wire fence in an open field. As one was climbing over, he stumbled and the shotgun, not on safety, went off and blew the top of his hunting boot and three toes off.
It gets better, about 10 minutes later, the wife shows up. She tells the the duty nurse if my husband lives I'll finish the job.
Because it involves a shooting, accident or otherwise, the police are notified. So this is the story one of the other hunters told the cops as his friend was in surgery.
Several elderly gentlemen went hunting. They were all carrying 12-gauge shotguns. They needed to cross a wire fence in an open field. As one was climbing over, he stumbled and the shotgun, not on safety, went off and blew the top of his hunting boot and three toes off.
It gets better, about 10 minutes later, the wife shows up. She tells the the duty nurse if my husband lives I'll finish the job.
December 22, 2008
More Chronicles of The Hospital Janitor:
The Fake Doctor:
Apparently some guy was going around to local hospitals pretending to be a doctor. At one hospital he was giving vaginal exams to women. At another breast exams. At yet another anal exams. He flirted with this nurse trainee at our hospital, took her into one of the empty patient rooms, and had sex with her. She got pregnant. She thought she was going to marry a doctor. Yeah right. She went ballistic when she found out she was pregnant by a pervert and a criminal who was going to prison.
Wonder which one was more crazy the dumb nurse trainee who thought she'd trap a doctor and force him to marry her, or the pretend doctor who liked women just a little too much?
Apparently some guy was going around to local hospitals pretending to be a doctor. At one hospital he was giving vaginal exams to women. At another breast exams. At yet another anal exams. He flirted with this nurse trainee at our hospital, took her into one of the empty patient rooms, and had sex with her. She got pregnant. She thought she was going to marry a doctor. Yeah right. She went ballistic when she found out she was pregnant by a pervert and a criminal who was going to prison.
Wonder which one was more crazy the dumb nurse trainee who thought she'd trap a doctor and force him to marry her, or the pretend doctor who liked women just a little too much?
December 20, 2008
Some More Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor:
Panty Disaster
They brought this young college guy into the ER. Apparently one of these uppity smart ass rich kid type sorority girls put both sneezing powder and itching powder into a pair of her panties, then told the guy if he wanted a blowjob, he had to sniff the inside of her panty crouch. He had an allergic reaction, and almost died. The dirty little slut was arrested by the police.
The Old Janitor.
They brought this young college guy into the ER. Apparently one of these uppity smart ass rich kid type sorority girls put both sneezing powder and itching powder into a pair of her panties, then told the guy if he wanted a blowjob, he had to sniff the inside of her panty crouch. He had an allergic reaction, and almost died. The dirty little slut was arrested by the police.
The Old Janitor.
December 19, 2008
Continuing Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor:
Revenge Story
A guy was admitted to the ER with burns on his penis. His wife found out he was having an affair, waited for him to go to sleep then poured hot wax on his thing.
OUCH.
A nurse asked the wife why hot wax, her answer was I wanted to hear him scream twice, once when I poured it on, and once when you pulled the wax off him in the ER.
She was arrested.
I never did find out who had the last word (laugh).
The Old Janitor.
A guy was admitted to the ER with burns on his penis. His wife found out he was having an affair, waited for him to go to sleep then poured hot wax on his thing.
OUCH.
A nurse asked the wife why hot wax, her answer was I wanted to hear him scream twice, once when I poured it on, and once when you pulled the wax off him in the ER.
She was arrested.
I never did find out who had the last word (laugh).
The Old Janitor.
December 18, 2008
The Chronicles of an Old Hospital Janitor:
Stupid Girl
A while back this teenage girl wanted to get her nipples pierced but apparently couldn’t afford it. So she had her boyfriend do it using a kit they bought over the Internet for $6.00. Both her nipples got infected and surgery was necessary resulting in an extensive hospital stay.
The Old Janitor.
A while back this teenage girl wanted to get her nipples pierced but apparently couldn’t afford it. So she had her boyfriend do it using a kit they bought over the Internet for $6.00. Both her nipples got infected and surgery was necessary resulting in an extensive hospital stay.
The Old Janitor.
December 17, 2008
Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor:
Vaginal Diaphragm
This lady after having five children wanted to use a non drug related birth control method. So her OBGYN told her to use a Diaphragm. Apparently it got stuck and her husband tried to remove it with a vacuum cleaner hose attachment.
The Old Janitor.
This lady after having five children wanted to use a non drug related birth control method. So her OBGYN told her to use a Diaphragm. Apparently it got stuck and her husband tried to remove it with a vacuum cleaner hose attachment.
The Old Janitor.
December 16, 2008
Hospital Janitor Diary Pages:
Impressions Gone Astray
They brought this young guy into the ER with back injuries and a broken leg. A group of cheerleaders promised to flash their boobs at him while he rode past standing up on a motorcycle. This is stupid raised to a whole new level. When he looked at the boobs lined up he fell off the bike. Fortunately he was wearing a helmet. One of his friends was making a home video movie and caught the whole thing on tape.
The Old Janitor.
They brought this young guy into the ER with back injuries and a broken leg. A group of cheerleaders promised to flash their boobs at him while he rode past standing up on a motorcycle. This is stupid raised to a whole new level. When he looked at the boobs lined up he fell off the bike. Fortunately he was wearing a helmet. One of his friends was making a home video movie and caught the whole thing on tape.
The Old Janitor.
December 15, 2008
More Diary Pages Continue
When Drag Queens Get Violent
They brought these two drag queens into the ER room, both looked like a war zone.
Apparently they got drunk, starting arguing over who would do what to whom first.
A fight broke out, they were throwing things at one another, punching, kicking, the works. So while wrestling on the floor one bit part of the other one's ear off, and in violent rage retaliation was responded by biting the other one on the ass. As the story unfolded in the ER, the fight broke out again, this time with the doctors and nurses in the middle. Security came and used stunned guns on both until the doctors could sedate them, and the police handcuffed each of them to their hospital bed.
They brought these two drag queens into the ER room, both looked like a war zone.
Apparently they got drunk, starting arguing over who would do what to whom first.
A fight broke out, they were throwing things at one another, punching, kicking, the works. So while wrestling on the floor one bit part of the other one's ear off, and in violent rage retaliation was responded by biting the other one on the ass. As the story unfolded in the ER, the fight broke out again, this time with the doctors and nurses in the middle. Security came and used stunned guns on both until the doctors could sedate them, and the police handcuffed each of them to their hospital bed.
December 13, 2008
The Chronicles Continue
Another ER Story
Yep back in the hospital ER, this guy comes in with a swollen cock. I mean this thing was an odd color, had pus seeping out of the head opening and his balls were enlarged. About 10 damn doctors and 20 nurses looked at this guy. They called the CDC in Atlanta and after extensive interviews with the guy found out he went to Thailand on one of those Sex Tours and picked up some kind of viral infection. The guy was in the hospital for 5 months on serious antibiotics and painkillers. Moral of this story, be careful where you stick your cock and in what and whom.
The Old Janitor.
Yep back in the hospital ER, this guy comes in with a swollen cock. I mean this thing was an odd color, had pus seeping out of the head opening and his balls were enlarged. About 10 damn doctors and 20 nurses looked at this guy. They called the CDC in Atlanta and after extensive interviews with the guy found out he went to Thailand on one of those Sex Tours and picked up some kind of viral infection. The guy was in the hospital for 5 months on serious antibiotics and painkillers. Moral of this story, be careful where you stick your cock and in what and whom.
The Old Janitor.
December 12, 2008
More from the Old Hospital Janitor
Dare Gone Bad:
I am never surprised by stupidity. They brought this 16-year-old boy into the ER because his friends dared him to ski off their roof. He tried to use the roof as a ski slope. He landed wrong and injured his testicles. Ouch. One was so severely damaged they had to amputate it. Ouch ouch. This occurred before there was any YouTube.
The Old Janitor.
I am never surprised by stupidity. They brought this 16-year-old boy into the ER because his friends dared him to ski off their roof. He tried to use the roof as a ski slope. He landed wrong and injured his testicles. Ouch. One was so severely damaged they had to amputate it. Ouch ouch. This occurred before there was any YouTube.
The Old Janitor.
December 11, 2008
The things that go on in a hospital could scare anyone, find out some of them, from the Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor
More Stupid People:
This girl comes into the ER with an infected vagina. The doctor discovers she allowed her boyfriend to stick his big toe up her vagina. She soon learned that most males have fungus of some kind on their feet. This guy infected her pussy with a fungus. Can we get any stupider than this?
The Old Janitor.
This girl comes into the ER with an infected vagina. The doctor discovers she allowed her boyfriend to stick his big toe up her vagina. She soon learned that most males have fungus of some kind on their feet. This guy infected her pussy with a fungus. Can we get any stupider than this?
The Old Janitor.
December 10, 2008
Follow the Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor
Used Oil:
This redneck wants to have anal sex with his new trailer trash girlfriend. Neither one had ever had anal sex before. He was apparently having trouble getting it in, so he called his brother for advice. The brother told him to use some oil for lubrication. So the idiot used motor oil from his car, but he used the dirty oil from a recent oil change. The girl thinks she's bleeding black blood and comes into the ER. The rest of the story involves a lot of screaming, cursing, and so on when the doctor tells her what the black stuff is and her boyfriend admits to what he did.
So how do you like my diaries so far?
This redneck wants to have anal sex with his new trailer trash girlfriend. Neither one had ever had anal sex before. He was apparently having trouble getting it in, so he called his brother for advice. The brother told him to use some oil for lubrication. So the idiot used motor oil from his car, but he used the dirty oil from a recent oil change. The girl thinks she's bleeding black blood and comes into the ER. The rest of the story involves a lot of screaming, cursing, and so on when the doctor tells her what the black stuff is and her boyfriend admits to what he did.
So how do you like my diaries so far?
December 9, 2008
More from the Old Hospital Janitor
When Super-Glue first came out they had heavy TV Ads promoting it, one was a construction worker hanging from a steel beam by his hard hat. So this girl finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her with her best friend. Yep you guess it, she bought some Super Glue and glued one testicle to his leg and the other to his penis.
Ouch.
It hurts me just think about it.
Ouch.
It hurts me just think about it.
December 8, 2008
Chronicles from the Old Hospital Janitor
Male Tits:
The ambulance brought this idiot into the emergency room. He had repeatedly put a vacuum cleaner hose on his nipples while masturbating. He had them so sore and swollen one got infected and they had to cut it out.
The Old Janitor.
The ambulance brought this idiot into the emergency room. He had repeatedly put a vacuum cleaner hose on his nipples while masturbating. He had them so sore and swollen one got infected and they had to cut it out.
The Old Janitor.
December 7, 2008
More Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor:
Talk This Up:
They brought this young Muslim girl into the ER a few years back. Her mother made her get circumcised for some kind of religious nonsense. The girl had lost too much blood before paramedics were called. While on her deathbed she told a nurse her mother and other females held her down while some moron cut her clitoris while she lay there screaming. The parents just got on a plane and went back to the Middle East like nothing every happened.
They brought this young Muslim girl into the ER a few years back. Her mother made her get circumcised for some kind of religious nonsense. The girl had lost too much blood before paramedics were called. While on her deathbed she told a nurse her mother and other females held her down while some moron cut her clitoris while she lay there screaming. The parents just got on a plane and went back to the Middle East like nothing every happened.
December 6, 2008
Sorry for the Delay in Postings.....
There has been some kind of problem with my post. I notified Google. Things that aren't mind appeared on my Blog. My son, the computer wiz, says he thinks it's a glitch in the server.
So I am using this as a TEST.
If it works ; I will start posting my Diary Entries again tomorrow.
So I am using this as a TEST.
If it works ; I will start posting my Diary Entries again tomorrow.
December 4, 2008
The Continuing Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor:
Pregnant sex in the hospital. This pregnant woman comes into the ER in labor. About 30 minutes later her boyfriend arrives. So while waiting for the hospital to set up a delivery room, they put her on a stretcher in one of the ER holding rooms. A nurse comes in to see how she is doing and finds the girl’s boyfriend screwing her up the ass just as her water breaks. The idiot boyfriend thinks she is screaming over his performance when she is actually delivering a baby.
The Old Janitor.
The Old Janitor.
December 3, 2008
The Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor:
They brought this girl into the ER who appeared to have been gang raped. She went to one of those rave parties and got wasted on drugs. A bunch of horny bastards took her into a remote area and had a screw party with her. Even she admitted she was so wasted she didn’t know for sure if it was rape or not. They found 7 different semen types in her mouth, anus, and vaginal tracks. In addition, apparently two of the guys took a pee on her. I’d say she was pretty well used and well on her way to being a drug taking slut.
December 2, 2008
Continued Chronicles of the Old Hospital Janitor:
Sometime back this guy came into the ER screaming in pain. Apparently he put a plastic drink stirrer up his penis to prolong his erection and it got stuck up there. This was before Viagra.
December 1, 2008
Chronicles of the Old Hospital Janitor:
An ER Stabbing Victim.
They brought this guy into the ER. His wife came home early from work and found him in their bed having sex with the neighbor’s daughter. She stabbed him six times with a butcher knife. No he didn’t die the lucky bastard. She was arrested for attempted murder and he was arrested for having sex with a minor.
They brought this guy into the ER. His wife came home early from work and found him in their bed having sex with the neighbor’s daughter. She stabbed him six times with a butcher knife. No he didn’t die the lucky bastard. She was arrested for attempted murder and he was arrested for having sex with a minor.
November 30, 2008
More Diaries of a Hospital Janitor:
Animal Sex Revenge – This old homeless guy finds a dog wondering the streets so he makes a pet out of it. He decides he wants to screw the dog. Well the dog didn’t like it so it bit the stupid bastard on nose.
November 29, 2008
Diaries of a Hospital Janitor Continued:
A girl came into the ER. She had an infected nipple. Apparently her boyfriend was into rough sex and bit it too hard. It got infected. The surgeon couldn’t save it so they cut it off. OUCH!
November 28, 2008
Diaries of a Hospital Janitor Continued:
Back in the ER, a girl apparently swallowed one of her boyfriends cock rings during fellatio.
I don't know what else to add to that statement.
I don't know what else to add to that statement.
November 26, 2008
My Chronicles Continued:
These weekend campers are the best type of idiots.
A bunch of middle aged frustrated office guys went camping and got drunk and started smashing empty beer cans on their foreheads. Well one of the 16 ounce cans wasn't empty and the guy split his head open. They were all too drunk to realize what was going on till the one idiot said, 'Hey I am bleeding.' So drunk as they were they decided to drive the guy to the emergency room. On the way they hit a deer and smashed the SUV. As a result the ambulances (plural) pulled into the ER – one had a broken leg; one had a heart attack, apparently that was from the passenger air bag - he thought some hunter was shooting at them; the driver had a bloody nose, that was from his air bag; and the original injured guy still had is split open head from the beer can. They were so drunk they didn't need pain killers, but they needed something when their wives arrived to find out stupid was taken to a new level and the tickets they all got from the police.
A bunch of middle aged frustrated office guys went camping and got drunk and started smashing empty beer cans on their foreheads. Well one of the 16 ounce cans wasn't empty and the guy split his head open. They were all too drunk to realize what was going on till the one idiot said, 'Hey I am bleeding.' So drunk as they were they decided to drive the guy to the emergency room. On the way they hit a deer and smashed the SUV. As a result the ambulances (plural) pulled into the ER – one had a broken leg; one had a heart attack, apparently that was from the passenger air bag - he thought some hunter was shooting at them; the driver had a bloody nose, that was from his air bag; and the original injured guy still had is split open head from the beer can. They were so drunk they didn't need pain killers, but they needed something when their wives arrived to find out stupid was taken to a new level and the tickets they all got from the police.
November 25, 2008
Chronicle Diaries Continued:
This happened fairly recently, just before I retired. A man working in construction and on pain meds for a previous injury, was using a nail gun, and someone asked him a question and without re-focusing on what he was doing nailed his had to a drywall stud.
Damn, I mean ouch.
Damn, I mean ouch.
November 24, 2008
Chronicle diaries continued:
So this ambulance pulls up, and about a minute later all hell breaks lose. This guy jumps off the gurney and goes on a kick-ass rampage. He is about 5'-8” and 140 lbs. The ambulance was followed by a police car. Now two med techs and two police officers are in a brawl with one guy. A male nurse and a security guard join in, followed by a doctor with a hypo. He is throwing people around like a rag doll. Finally they get him partially pinned down and the doctor sticks him. It doesn't put him out but he is manageable. They get him inside and later find that he had a 4 inch switchblade on him. If he had pulled that out the police would have had to shoot him. I got stuck cleaning up the mess, including the blood outside, none of which was the problem guy.
November 23, 2008
November 22, 2008
Another chapter from my chronicle diary:
It was late at night in the ER when the ambulance pulled up with this man screaming, 'Get it Out, Get it out of my ass now!'
Comes to find out this guy was gay, had been to a gay sex orgy and someone put a gerbil up his butt. The gerbil suffocated and died. The gerbil also crapped inside the guy's poop hole leaving gerbil dodo in his poop chute. Foreign poop can be very toxic if it enters the body. First they had to rush the guy to surgery to remove the dead gerbil, then they had him on antibiotics for six months trying to get rid of the infection.
Gay rights are Ok but being stupid isn't.
All comments are appreciated,
The Hospital Janitor.
P.S. - If you like my diaries, please follow my Blog.
All comments are appreciated,
The Hospital Janitor.
P.S. - If you like my diaries, please follow my Blog.
Comes to find out this guy was gay, had been to a gay sex orgy and someone put a gerbil up his butt. The gerbil suffocated and died. The gerbil also crapped inside the guy's poop hole leaving gerbil dodo in his poop chute. Foreign poop can be very toxic if it enters the body. First they had to rush the guy to surgery to remove the dead gerbil, then they had him on antibiotics for six months trying to get rid of the infection.
Gay rights are Ok but being stupid isn't.
All comments are appreciated,
The Hospital Janitor.
P.S. - If you like my diaries, please follow my Blog.
All comments are appreciated,
The Hospital Janitor.
P.S. - If you like my diaries, please follow my Blog.
November 21, 2008
Here's another chapter from my chronicle diary:
I mostly worked the night-shift at the hospital, it's quiet and no one is around when I am doing my tasks.
One night after visiting hours I heard this male voice saying, “confess your sins, tell me all, cleanse your soul.'
I also heard a woman's voice crying out, 'Oh yes Father, I have been bad, make me well, forgive me for I have sinned.' It sounded more like sex to me than anything else, so I slowly pushed the door open to see the Hospital Chaplain, a Catholic Priest, fingering this woman's vagina.
All I can say is it gives a whole new meaning to confessional.
It is obvious that they forgot, some hospital staff, such as a janitor are still wondering the hallways, even late at night.
your comments please,
The Hospital Janitor.
One night after visiting hours I heard this male voice saying, “confess your sins, tell me all, cleanse your soul.'
I also heard a woman's voice crying out, 'Oh yes Father, I have been bad, make me well, forgive me for I have sinned.' It sounded more like sex to me than anything else, so I slowly pushed the door open to see the Hospital Chaplain, a Catholic Priest, fingering this woman's vagina.
All I can say is it gives a whole new meaning to confessional.
It is obvious that they forgot, some hospital staff, such as a janitor are still wondering the hallways, even late at night.
your comments please,
The Hospital Janitor.
November 20, 2008
Here is my first chronicle from my Diary
Stuck In The Butt – I was working in the emergency room night shift at the hospital when I heard the doctor and some nurses telling a patient they would need anal surgery. Apparently, at a party this girl got drunk and bet some people $100 she could get a wine bottle, bottom end first, up her butt hole. She did but when she remove it her anus starting bleeding. The results were she needed surgery and it would take months for it to heal. She was told, 'The cost will probably be around $10,000.'
Stupid people never seem to stop amazing me.
your comments please,
The Hospital Janitor.
Stupid people never seem to stop amazing me.
your comments please,
The Hospital Janitor.
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