Follow the Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor

Used Oil:
This redneck wants to have anal sex with his new trailer trash girlfriend. Neither one had ever had anal sex before. He was apparently having trouble getting it in, so he called his brother for advice. The brother told him to use some oil for lubrication. So the idiot used motor oil from his car, but he used the dirty oil from a recent oil change. The girl thinks she's bleeding black blood and comes into the ER. The rest of the story involves a lot of screaming, cursing, and so on when the doctor tells her what the black stuff is and her boyfriend admits to what he did.
So how do you like my diaries so far?