December 31, 2008

More from the Old Hospital Janitor:

Machined Too Long
A girl came into the ER one day with a very swollen inflamed and sore vagina. Apparently she bought one of these electric penis sex machines and she just couldn’t get enough.
This device is the kind you sit on it.
The Old Janitor.

December 29, 2008

The Continuing Chronicles of a Hospital Janitor:

Stuck Butt Plug
I was a janitor at a major city hospital.
These are my stories....
About year ago, this hillbilly’s wife was cheating on him. So he bought the largest Anal Butt Plug he could find. He covered it with baby oil except the very end, which he put on some fast drying glue. He then proceeded to have vaginal sex with her for the last time while the butt plug was in her shit hole. He left her on the bed; she couldn’t get the butt plug out. He told here what he did, and left for Georgia. She called the paramedics, the rest of story is just that but the hospital staff had a damn good laugh.
The Old Janitor.

December 28, 2008

More Diaries of the Hospital Janitor:

Viagra had just come out.
This guy gets some Viagra, but doesn't pay attention to the directions.
He thinks it's pop a pill and instantly get a hard on.
So he takes the pill, waits about 2 minutes, nothing.
So he pops another one.
Waits another few minutes, then pops another blue pill.
Finally they kick in, now he got a super hard on.
He is banging his wife like there's no tomorrow.
She can't take it.
But the guy still has a stiffy.
So he wants a blowjob, she obliges.
But he's still erect, and she wont go another round.
So he goes into the bathroom, locks the door and starts masturbating.
After 30 minutes the wife bangs on the door and says what are you doing, you've been in there for over half and hour.
Now the guy is getting worried, his penis is hurting from being rob and used to much.
So he says, hey read those Viagra directions.
Now he knows he needs medical attention.
Gets dressed with his still hard wiener and goes to the ER.
Everyone was laughing their asses off.
People, people, people read the damn directions.

December 26, 2008

Diaries of the Hospital Janitor

This guy was admitted to the emergency room last year with several staples in his penis. His wife found out he was sleeping with her sister. Ouch!
So she waited for him to fall asleep, and got two staples in his penis before he jumped up and started running around the room screaming.
Bet that hurt like hell.
The Old Janitor.

December 23, 2008

The Chronicles of a Hospital Janitor:

Hunters Accident:
Because it involves a shooting, accident or otherwise, the police are notified. So this is the story one of the other hunters told the cops as his friend was in surgery.
Several elderly gentlemen went hunting. They were all carrying 12-gauge shotguns. They needed to cross a wire fence in an open field. As one was climbing over, he stumbled and the shotgun, not on safety, went off and blew the top of his hunting boot and three toes off.
It gets better, about 10 minutes later, the wife shows up. She tells the the duty nurse if my husband lives I'll finish the job.

December 22, 2008

More Chronicles of The Hospital Janitor:

The Fake Doctor:
Apparently some guy was going around to local hospitals pretending to be a doctor. At one hospital he was giving vaginal exams to women. At another breast exams. At yet another anal exams. He flirted with this nurse trainee at our hospital, took her into one of the empty patient rooms, and had sex with her. She got pregnant. She thought she was going to marry a doctor. Yeah right. She went ballistic when she found out she was pregnant by a pervert and a criminal who was going to prison.
Wonder which one was more crazy the dumb nurse trainee who thought she'd trap a doctor and force him to marry her, or the pretend doctor who liked women just a little too much?

December 20, 2008

Some More Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor:

Panty Disaster
They brought this young college guy into the ER. Apparently one of these uppity smart ass rich kid type sorority girls put both sneezing powder and itching powder into a pair of her panties, then told the guy if he wanted a blowjob, he had to sniff the inside of her panty crouch. He had an allergic reaction, and almost died. The dirty little slut was arrested by the police.
The Old Janitor.

December 19, 2008

Continuing Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor:

Revenge Story
A guy was admitted to the ER with burns on his penis. His wife found out he was having an affair, waited for him to go to sleep then poured hot wax on his thing.
A nurse asked the wife why hot wax, her answer was I wanted to hear him scream twice, once when I poured it on, and once when you pulled the wax off him in the ER.
She was arrested.
I never did find out who had the last word (laugh).
The Old Janitor.

December 18, 2008

The Chronicles of an Old Hospital Janitor:

Stupid Girl
A while back this teenage girl wanted to get her nipples pierced but apparently couldn’t afford it. So she had her boyfriend do it using a kit they bought over the Internet for $6.00. Both her nipples got infected and surgery was necessary resulting in an extensive hospital stay.
The Old Janitor.

December 17, 2008

Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor:

Vaginal Diaphragm
This lady after having five children wanted to use a non drug related birth control method. So her OBGYN told her to use a Diaphragm. Apparently it got stuck and her husband tried to remove it with a vacuum cleaner hose attachment.
The Old Janitor.

December 16, 2008

Hospital Janitor Diary Pages:

Impressions Gone Astray
They brought this young guy into the ER with back injuries and a broken leg. A group of cheerleaders promised to flash their boobs at him while he rode past standing up on a motorcycle. This is stupid raised to a whole new level. When he looked at the boobs lined up he fell off the bike. Fortunately he was wearing a helmet. One of his friends was making a home video movie and caught the whole thing on tape.
The Old Janitor.

December 15, 2008

More Diary Pages Continue

When Drag Queens Get Violent
They brought these two drag queens into the ER room, both looked like a war zone.
Apparently they got drunk, starting arguing over who would do what to whom first.
A fight broke out, they were throwing things at one another, punching, kicking, the works. So while wrestling on the floor one bit part of the other one's ear off, and in violent rage retaliation was responded by biting the other one on the ass. As the story unfolded in the ER, the fight broke out again, this time with the doctors and nurses in the middle. Security came and used stunned guns on both until the doctors could sedate them, and the police handcuffed each of them to their hospital bed.

December 13, 2008

The Chronicles Continue

Another ER Story
Yep back in the hospital ER, this guy comes in with a swollen cock. I mean this thing was an odd color, had pus seeping out of the head opening and his balls were enlarged. About 10 damn doctors and 20 nurses looked at this guy. They called the CDC in Atlanta and after extensive interviews with the guy found out he went to Thailand on one of those Sex Tours and picked up some kind of viral infection. The guy was in the hospital for 5 months on serious antibiotics and painkillers. Moral of this story, be careful where you stick your cock and in what and whom.
The Old Janitor.

December 12, 2008

More from the Old Hospital Janitor

Dare Gone Bad:
I am never surprised by stupidity. They brought this 16-year-old boy into the ER because his friends dared him to ski off their roof. He tried to use the roof as a ski slope. He landed wrong and injured his testicles. Ouch. One was so severely damaged they had to amputate it. Ouch ouch. This occurred before there was any YouTube.
The Old Janitor.

December 11, 2008

The things that go on in a hospital could scare anyone, find out some of them, from the Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor

More Stupid People:
This girl comes into the ER with an infected vagina. The doctor discovers she allowed her boyfriend to stick his big toe up her vagina. She soon learned that most males have fungus of some kind on their feet. This guy infected her pussy with a fungus. Can we get any stupider than this?
The Old Janitor.

December 10, 2008

Follow the Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor

Used Oil:
This redneck wants to have anal sex with his new trailer trash girlfriend. Neither one had ever had anal sex before. He was apparently having trouble getting it in, so he called his brother for advice. The brother told him to use some oil for lubrication. So the idiot used motor oil from his car, but he used the dirty oil from a recent oil change. The girl thinks she's bleeding black blood and comes into the ER. The rest of the story involves a lot of screaming, cursing, and so on when the doctor tells her what the black stuff is and her boyfriend admits to what he did.
So how do you like my diaries so far?

December 9, 2008

More from the Old Hospital Janitor

When Super-Glue first came out they had heavy TV Ads promoting it, one was a construction worker hanging from a steel beam by his hard hat. So this girl finds out her boyfriend is cheating on her with her best friend. Yep you guess it, she bought some Super Glue and glued one testicle to his leg and the other to his penis.
It hurts me just think about it.

December 8, 2008

Chronicles from the Old Hospital Janitor

Male Tits:
The ambulance brought this idiot into the emergency room. He had repeatedly put a vacuum cleaner hose on his nipples while masturbating. He had them so sore and swollen one got infected and they had to cut it out.
The Old Janitor.

December 7, 2008

More Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor:

Talk This Up:
They brought this young Muslim girl into the ER a few years back. Her mother made her get circumcised for some kind of religious nonsense. The girl had lost too much blood before paramedics were called. While on her deathbed she told a nurse her mother and other females held her down while some moron cut her clitoris while she lay there screaming. The parents just got on a plane and went back to the Middle East like nothing every happened.

December 6, 2008

Sorry for the Delay in Postings.....

There has been some kind of problem with my post. I notified Google. Things that aren't mind appeared on my Blog. My son, the computer wiz, says he thinks it's a glitch in the server.
So I am using this as a TEST.
If it works ; I will start posting my Diary Entries again tomorrow.

December 4, 2008

The Continuing Diaries of the Old Hospital Janitor:

Pregnant sex in the hospital. This pregnant woman comes into the ER in labor. About 30 minutes later her boyfriend arrives. So while waiting for the hospital to set up a delivery room, they put her on a stretcher in one of the ER holding rooms. A nurse comes in to see how she is doing and finds the girl’s boyfriend screwing her up the ass just as her water breaks. The idiot boyfriend thinks she is screaming over his performance when she is actually delivering a baby.
The Old Janitor.

December 3, 2008

The Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor:

They brought this girl into the ER who appeared to have been gang raped. She went to one of those rave parties and got wasted on drugs. A bunch of horny bastards took her into a remote area and had a screw party with her. Even she admitted she was so wasted she didn’t know for sure if it was rape or not. They found 7 different semen types in her mouth, anus, and vaginal tracks. In addition, apparently two of the guys took a pee on her. I’d say she was pretty well used and well on her way to being a drug taking slut.

December 2, 2008

Continued Chronicles of the Old Hospital Janitor:

Sometime back this guy came into the ER screaming in pain. Apparently he put a plastic drink stirrer up his penis to prolong his erection and it got stuck up there. This was before Viagra.

December 1, 2008

Chronicles of the Old Hospital Janitor:

An ER Stabbing Victim.
They brought this guy into the ER. His wife came home early from work and found him in their bed having sex with the neighbor’s daughter. She stabbed him six times with a butcher knife. No he didn’t die the lucky bastard. She was arrested for attempted murder and he was arrested for having sex with a minor.