Chronicle of an Old Hospital Janitor:

Several elderly gentlemen arrived in the ER from a nursing home complaining about redness and pain emanating from their penis.
Upon investigation, it was determined they were having too much sex.
Further investigation revealed that a Porn Star was living in the Old Folks Home.

Yet another excerpt from the Diaries of an Old Hospital Janitor:

Body Cast:

This young guy was admitted to the ER after a motorcycle accident. He had some fractures and dislocations so they essentially put him in an upper body cast (neck to stomach including his arms).
This, of course, made him unable to eat, drink, or bathe himself.
So the nurses or orderly would do it.
Apparently this guy was very well hung and the word got about on the hospital floor.
Some Candy Strippers (Girds that volunteer their time at the hospital heard them talking).
So one candy stripper volunteered to give this guy his bed sponge bath.
She was in there for quite some time, so the duty nurse went in to check on her and the patient.
The patients door was closed and she heard all this groaning and moaning, so upon entering she found the candy stripper sitting on this guy's penis riding him like some rodeo cowgirl.
When she was asked about her behavior, she simply replied, "His huge erect hard cock was there while I was bathing him, and I just couldn't resist myself."